But it wasn't.
I felt like a horrible wreck of a person all weekend. I was fine earlier in the day on Friday, but once we were done with the scrapbook thing, I just wanted to hide. And Saturday was made so much harder by the presence of my fiance's baby mama and husband, which is a weird circumstance altogether. I have no animosity towards her, but her husband and my fiance used to be close friends. So now, when we’re thrown into these situations together, they want to relive the past, and you can tell they both yearn for the friendship that once was. And the truth is, they’ll never have that again. It’s done.
And somewhere in there, in between the awkwardness and the forced happiness and trying to pretend I'm not jealous of where others are in their lives, I lost myself a bit. I just fell down into this rabbit hole of my own made up misery, and now can't seem to pull myself back up.
There are just some times when you need to wallow. Without being sad, we'd never realize what happiness is.
So for today, I will allow myself the sadness. Tomorrow is another day.
|Rain in London|